一丁点

又来了

不高兴

没希望

没意义

窒息感

想回去

想重来

想离开

要更多

在回想

有后悔

有遗憾

有幸苦

淡味道

不精彩

烂朋友

太少人

天太冷

很悲哀

想离开。

is...

Is security in friendships THAT hard to find?

is it THAT hard to find a bunch of good friends? is it THAT hard to find some people you click with, can make you feel secure and can see you?

looks bleak.

友谊。。。 我可以给，但怎么一直失望？

pendulum

一直盘旋在 否定与肯定之间
没有明确的答案

你一直不让我明白
不让我死心
但你也不肯给我明确的事实

为何一直让我牵挂
没有了断

拖拖拉拉 又有什么结局？

依依不舍
放不了手

对我没有表现但是有奇怪的密语
每当我觉得你好象有感觉
你却把话讲的如此平淡
每当我觉得没有希望
你却把话讲的如此动感

你到底心里是怎么想？

还好。。

要学会怎么去handle worry 不可以让他导致自己什么也做不了。


“ 輸了這麼一次　當存點運氣”

。。。just take it easy


"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."

加油！

Bad Cards

Sometimes getting stuck with people is luck.

And throughout college, my luck has been decent. And now, because the universe has a way of balancing things... my luck has changed. Tides have changed and now I have been dealt a very bad hand of crap people.

It is so frustrating.. so very frustrating it brings tears to my eyes from being angry. What should I do? I refuse to succumb to a bad grade because of lazy people. I want to rise above and take charge, but it is hard. So many negative feelings and worry is overwhelming me.

I just want everyone to be decent enough to take responsibility as a member of the group and do the work. Why are some people just so lazy and so irresponsible? It is amazing.

People say look on the bright side, you can learn how to be a leader. Right now I feel nothing like one. I feel like maybe it is turning into power play or something. Like I need to fight for authority then use that to get them to go with what needs to be done.

I don't think that is the right way to do things at all. I need to learn how to be a leader.. but with my other obligations and commitments... it just seems really hard to do right now. I don't know. so many worries about things and getting involved and doing a good job...

I need a break = =

I HAVE TO STOP. PUSH ON THE BRAKES. NOW.
I GOTTA GET OVER IT NOW.


I am so confused. he knew but he still acted this way with me..... what doe sthat mean? he likes me but can't help it? he doesn't care about it because while he likes me there is no possibility it would work out? or the worst, HE DOESNT CARE, DOESNT LIKE ME... and I was just being stupid. He was just going along with me... and thats just the way he is.

oh good god.

i have no idea what to do...
but i know i need to stop this.

or i dont, but i need to get over it.

anger vent

if i don't seem like i like you that much, it is probably true.

I want to bitch. I want to bitch about this bitch. This bitch is such a bitch that she will bitch. she bitches about bitches or people she can just bitch about. there is nothing this bitch doesn't bitch about. there is nothing she doesn't spread. if there was a human radio, she is it. funny she can go on about people's business when everyone knows about hers. her dirty laundry are all over the street's.

she should care about her own massive vagina and her matching conker.

watch urself bitch.
BITCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

FFFFFFFFFFFFFUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFffff

why can't u disappear out of my life, out of the lives of people I care about.

FUK OFF BITCH

no one likes you .... the only friends you have are STDs from fucking around

Hummmm... a Muse ment

感觉好像慢慢要褪去了....
真的没有以前那么强烈...
而且开始可以像以前不在乎, 朋友的语气和心态跟他聊天...

不错不错!!

但是心里还是想知道他到底有没有喜欢我....

.. 就很好奇嘛...

我可是摆了一段时间在他身上!!!

情人节快乐

情人节.... 我觉得没有什么意思...
就等这一天来对你的爱人说我爱你吗? 今天才特别对他们好吗?

没有什么意思吧.

可是我心里觉得如果某个他有在乎我... 也会在今天有点什么的表现.
什么都没有.
一点失望, 但是因为没有那么喜欢了, 心里不会很难过.

但我现在总觉得朋友不多....至少表面上我没有以前那么多可以'superficially看到的东西了..
是我多想, 太在乎了吗?

可是好朋友们总会有点superficial 的表现吧...没有的话不是不正常?????

不知道..

Happy Valentines Day.

神奇

miraculous or not,
我终于，终于可以自信的说
I am getting over YOU.

恩。。

真的有需要一下子的时间
但始终做到
因为你不适合我
因为你不了解我
因为你不会哄我
因为你不会体贴我

因为你可能其实都没有在喜欢我

谢谢你给我那么美好的回忆
真的很甜蜜
真的很好玩

但

那已经是过去
已经一个月了
没有意思再想念
想起还会笑
还会从心里发出温暖的感觉
但是没有意思去怀念你
因为我发现我喜欢的是那是的你

可能就是在那个时候有感觉

现在没有意思了
现在没有甜蜜了
现在没有感觉了

感谢你让我以为原本会很无聊的寒假便那么愉快和浪漫

但是你不是我要的
你也不会是我的理想
你根本就不适合我

很高兴我发现
恩...

我已没有那份依依不舍的感觉
也没有那份恨不得你喜欢我的感觉
对你慢慢也没有要求
心里感到自由

我们变回朋友

恩..... 我会努力.
其实也没有那么难啦. 你根本都不是我想要的.

PLease

拜托 拜托，

let me get over HiM... Please let me get over HiM... I want to stop this obsession.
It sucks.

Why are you sending me mixed signals? Why do you seem flirtatious and also not seem to care?

Are you just using me to pass time and relief boredom? So you can toy while not really caring?
I don't want to think that you are such an asshole.

Do you like me? Is that why you always seem flirtatious? Is that why you do cute things? Is this why you asked me to dance with you in the moonlight?

Do you not like me in reality? Is that why you can go by without talking to me, and you give me so little attention online? Is this why I don't feel special? Is this why you said "you are my friend"?


受不了。。。 很想摆脱这份感情

太浪费时间和精力。 根本做不了事

。。。。拜托 啦。。。。 就爽快地跟我讲吧。。。 让我彻底的失望。让我高兴。。。。 随便。

Balance

Need to balance the superficial and the real.
Need to remember to appreciate what you have, but strive for what you aspire to.
Need to remember the need for wealth, but also the joy of simpler pleasures.
Need to remember where you come from, but also where you want to go.
Need to remember to party, but also to work hard.

You may be materialistic and enjoy that, but sometimes think about the people who have nothing and how lucky you are.

Reap the benefits of money and success, but also remember there are needy people out there who need our help.

Remember to share.

Remember that even a little... can accumulate to a lot.

Need to remember to go for your ambitions, but also to remember to help the poor and needy.

Always remember to "believe in yourself" and to "have confidence" and to "stay true to who you are". There isn't a balance equation for that...
I lack that. I need that.

Why can't i be kinder to myself? Why can't i have more confidence? I don't know what believing in myself means.

Ill try. I know one day I can help and make a difference. Because... what else is there (excluding religious reasons) if not this? You can't spend your whole life revolving around yourself and living for yourself. it just seems.... meaningless, somehow.

总会发生。

大家总会有过世的 一天。
你所爱所有。。。 也会有一天消失。

每当想到这个时，都会觉得我所担心，所埋怨的东西都很无畏，很。。 浪费时间。

若我们一辈子就这样为了事业奔跑。。。 只顾着男朋友，女朋友的问题。。。 想着喝酒，上床， 抽烟。。。 又有何意义？ 到最后。。。。。。 应该会感到一无所有。

虽然会忘记，可是我们应该要记得珍惜所有的一切。尽量不要和别人比较，自己该做的做好，演好角色。。。 也应该为他人着想。 贫穷家庭的幸福是怎么样的幸福？为什么他们两手空空却会幸福？我们应该请教他们来教育我们吧。很奇怪的，他们似乎掌握了人生的秘诀。 反而， 我们所谓 “幸福" 的人, 很多都感到郁闷.
有钱人啊, 难道你们就不能够施舍那么一点钱财时间去帮助别人吗?
有名人啊, 难道就不能利用你所拥有的名利权利去帮助他人吗?
平凡人啊, 难道就不能抽出一点时间,汗血去为有需的人服务吗?

这才叫意义吧.


我希望我有天可以创下一所有善基金... 帮助别人.
别再自私了...

加油!

States of Being*

To like someone brings hope and excitement.
To like someone and have them like you back, it is joy.
To like someone and have them love you back, it is bliss.
To love someone and have them love you back, it is euphoria.
To like someone and have them unaware, it is pain.
To like someone and have them not like you back, it is tragedy.
To love someone and have them not love you back, it is a curse.


I think it is a crush. I have thought all this while it is a crush. BUT I can't get over it. And I am very very worried it will turn into like. Then I think I would be lingering around pain and tragedy.

Unfortunately, what causes me more confusion is I don't know right now, if I am excited and hopeful, joyful, in pain, or just plain tragic.
And I think that is what is keeping me from moving on and getting on with my life.

Damn IT.