乱

I hate this feeling of being cluttered. Like everything is on the edge... that is why I like a low profiled life.
It happens when you are attached to someone, because no one will hit on you.
It happens when you have a fixed group of friends that you can count on...

I guess in some way, your life becomes stagnant and kind of unexciting. But you gain security. It's one of life's many trade offs.

Now that I am single... guy life has become complicated. And somehow I have lost that self-control.
Friends? It has its ups and downs... I am not quite sure what to think.

But overall... right now... I am feeling cluttered. I don't need this.. I want to enjoy my last semester here.... Leave a nice legacy of my name!

oh well. Let's just.... surf the waves.

On another note. Double chin is making a comeback. Time to cut back and elliptical my lazy fukin ass.

On YET another note. I need to build my confidence. No more refuting compliments. And to stop, please to stop, caring what people think.

Oh, my face is ground zero for acne due to my insane week.

Sometimes...

Sometimes you just have one of those days...

you feel kind of shitty because you are running low on energy. You could easily spend your whole day feeling bad about yourself and thinking about what is wrong with you. And it could go very, very negative.

So here I am. The org won an award. I should be happy. Everyone is. But somehow I am that kind of miser that doesn't seem to share joy that well... no. In fact, I am thinking about if I contributed to any of the success, or if the president is the only reason why we are this great. Or if... I have capabilities to become even as efficient as her. Somehow... I think I lack leadership skills, which I thought I had. I think what I have is people skills... and that's about it. I need leadership skills. I want it.
I have so much self-doubt... ... how did I become like this? I can't seem to see my achievements that well. Also... 心胸狭窄... what do I do to change it?
I am lazy as well.

I need to change....
- Leadership skills
- Laziness
- Time management

I think that will make me a better person, work-wise. I also need to become more self-assured and confident.
I need to feel comfortable not doing anything...
I need to let be what is, and support and share people's joy instead of being such a miser!

Yes. I am glad I am learning all these things about me though. Now I can watch... observe... learn.

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