Twenties Pre-Mid-Life Crisis

It seems apparent to me that when people hit the twenties mark, or the sophomore year-ish time of college, people experience what I'd like to label a pre-mid-life crisis.

The cross roads in the life, the pitchfork, even, where one is at total loss at what to pursue, and how to determine the rest of his/her life's career... and the ambiguity that there is a probability that he/she might end up on the sidewalk of streets shaking a paper cup with, with any luck, a quarter in there, yelling for spare change.

The thing is, given that I have been there (ish; i was a luckier one that had minor setbacks and plenty of guidance), I think this situation taps into a very human nature - fear of failure and the unknown.

Everyone fears change, and the possibility of ending up in an abyss as a substitute for a career. That's the beauty and horror of it all - at this stage, You Never Know.
I have had many friends experience this, mostly people who set out determined to pursue one career path, but setback with this crisis, and head off into another direction. Funnily enough, looking back in retrospect, many of them would say they made the right decision. Off the top of my head I can already think of 2 good friends.

There are others, of course, perhaps under the influence of that culture or society, who seem very keen on pursuing a certain career path and stick to it, undeterred for the rest of their lives. Perhaps there is something out there that they may prefer, but for unpractical reasons, they choose to forgo. I happen to one of those people. I was robbed of my dream of being an archaeologist working at dig sites. I was also unable to pursue my noble dream of saving the world aka. doing Biology to learn about cancer. Other people include Hong Kong kids who go directly into business, because it is the most practical path. Hong Kong, afterall, is a financial hub, where the East meets the West, where the rich meets the poor, where the trendy meet the fashion victims...

Recently (and tonight) TAS (acronyms for someone special) had a meltdown. He is at this severe cross roads. His grades do not allow him to pursue a career in the medical field. He feels as though he has let his parents down, for good.
I strongly believe that he has all the potential in the world to be amazing. He happens to be one of those strange people who is often given too little credit for their talents, simply because they tend to be so low-key, or they somewhat hide it by living under the radar. However, given the situation, they will rise to the circumstance and outperform.
I truly hope that this is one of the times where this withdrawn individual who thinks he has no passions but just many tiny hobbies can look at himself and realize that he is amazing and can do many things. I hope he will find his passion and calling... pursue it, and as we all expect, outperform.
Like a seasoned counselor, I gave him advice which he duly noted. More of a preacher than a practicer myself, I seem to have given him advice that he will take to heart, and which I think will do him good. It seems to me that inspirational quotes that I have a penchant for come in handy in times like these.

I suppose I am writing this entry to express this situation that attacks us at the peak of oblivion. I suppose I am writing this entry to express what I feel towards the TAS.
I suppose I am writing this entry to express my hopes and my wishes for the TAS, believing that he will emerge more successful.
However, he will need to put in work. He can either shoot for the better, or sink for the worse. i will make sure he will go with the former. He is a wonderful person. I really hope he can find something he likes.

I plan to be there to make him the best person he can be, because I want to. Also, I want to be a good... girlfriend-figure for him. To give him the best. Quite frankly, I was not up to par in my previous relationship, and I would really like to be better than a 50 cent girlfriend from now on. Because, what is life full of regrets? No life, that's what it is.

Therefore, my dear invisible readers, this is a case where one should, when life gives them lemons, make lemonade. Make it hard lemonade if you will. The important thing is, when things get sour, you need to reach into the sugar jar and throw in some sugar. Some ice. And sometimes, a bit of alcohol so you can enjoy the drink.

Pieces

This feeling, it isn't anything new. The same confusion, frustration, feeling left out and disappointed...

And perhaps I am finally tired of really trying.. Maybe the answer is clear. PJ said it. TAS said it. I don't fit in with them. Just too different... Culturally... mentally... even our values are different. They are more superficial, I am sensitive and need the substantial relationships.

Why do I keep trying? I think I need to learn what type of people I need.

I need to stop going with people who will club, drink, live the superficial glam life... and more people who will be on the same wavelength as me mentally.

Point is...

It's time to move on and find better people out there, to build better relationships.
Lesson learned; next time I will find truer friends and hang out once in a while with superficial ones. Next time I will stick to a good group and develop good relationships.

Last one of the day....

I kinda want to use all my emotions, and my deepest secrets that I pour out into this blog,
to write a book.

Almost like Post Secrets, but then using all these things, simple one liner or a few sentences per page with good illustrations...

That just kind of spill out a girl's inner secrets. Cuz then we will know, all of us aren't alone.

I think it would be a cute project. And I think people would buy it too....

I am starting to get ideas for life now. hur hur hur.

E.g. #1

I am extremely self conscious about anal hair during sex, especially doggy style. But I don't want to wax it off.

解脱

解脱 - 张慧妹

作 词 姚若龙 作 曲 许华强

歌词制作：Harbor

爱是不夜城

回忆像星辰

热泪越沸腾

我 越感觉有点冷

变了心的人

越想越伤人

枯坐到清晨

阳光替房间开了灯

想苦结局一样

又何苦再想

想若让人成长

我为什么怕分手的伤

解脱是肯承认这是个错

我不应该还不放手

你有自由走我有自由好好过

解脱是懂擦干泪看以后

找个新方向往前走

这世界辽阔

我总会实现一个梦

想苦结局一样

又何苦再想

想若让人成长

我为什么怕分手的伤

解脱是肯承认这是个错

我不应该还不放手

你有自由走我有自由好好过

心里有一种渴望勇敢的念头

不要爱我的人再担心我

解脱是肯承认这是个错

我不应该还不放手

你有自由走我有自由好好过

解脱是懂擦干泪看以后

找个新方向往前走

这世界辽阔

我总会实现一个梦

A Living Contradiction

In many ways, I feel like I am a living contradiction.

I am ambitious and determined, yet I lack the immediate motivation and long term effort.

I don't know how anyone ever got anywhere being this way. It's the makings of a hobo.
I need to somehow change that; that is, I need to stop buying things online, and start really applying for jobs and feeling that panic/anxiety/desperation again.
I feel like I always need that in order to do well at anything. Otherwise I just bum around.

I need to get somewhere in life.
I need to succeed.
I need to get my monies.

So I better start.

Happy 4th of July

Can you love 2, or multiple people at once?
Is that not love?

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I think everything begins with yourself. Everything in your world revolves around how you are, and how you affect things around you.
Therefore, when you change, there will be a butterfly effect, which affects everything around you, for better or for worse.
So, if you circumstances to change, subtle or not, you should begin by changing up how you act. Or think. Or feel.

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Went to summerfest in Milwaukee today, first time in 4 years. It has always been a to-do for me. I did it =)

Fireworks were pretty....
Happy 4th, America!