Parallel Universe

I always imagined that whatever big decision I make, there is some parallel universe whereby the dumber or smarter me is making the other decision I considered. Then I try to imagine what will happen to that other me.

On the 23rd of April, I made a decision to give up going back to Malaysia, but instead, to try it out, to venture out on my own to Hong Kong. Parallel Universe Scenario #1. What I gave up was a pretty comfortable cocoon life albeit slightly dangerous due to bad safety in KL. I had friends there, I had family, it was pretty familiar, and the job I gave up was a stable and good one.

Instead, I decided to come to Hong Kong. Where nothing was set up, where I would be alone, where my closest friends are people I barely talk to. And the job, a stressful one where I will probably always have to feel on-call, on-standby. I think I took this opportunity just because it is so beyond my comfort zone, just because it seemed more adventurous and scary. The truth is, I am scared. As adventurous and risk-taking I want to be, or imagine myself to be, I have realized I am not. Not really at all. I like comfort, and unknown and scary, well, scares me. So now, I am living with my boyfriend (who I also have some internal issues about), and I am waiting for my job to start. Pretty stressed out about it. I wonder how my parallel universe self is doing at the job that already started.

I just don't want to look back with regret and think, damn, I should have taken that less comfortable, more adventurous road. Which I am now on. I am taking it, just because I want to find out what happens. To test myself and see if I can make it on my own. I just have to learn to handle fear, and all that stuff that comes with emotional distress.