Tick Tock.

Tick tock.. tick tock...

Time keeps passing. I age every second.

Graduation is just a heartbeat away. It is in exactly, EXACTLY one month.

I can't believe it. I haven't been able to reconcile the freshman in me, and the to-be graduate. It is just startling to think that I have been through 4 years of college. All that has happened, all that I have gone through to shape what I am now...

It's been a long trip.

yet somehow, it feels very, very short. Tonight, while taking a walk with someone special, I took a breath... and the air was so filled with nostalgia it brought much joy, with much ... reluctance, to my heart. It reminded me of the way the air smelled when I was a freshman, eager and inexperienced, away from my parents, in this small town of Madison. It is the air that reflected the fall in 2006. Warm but a bit chilly... woodsy and grassy. It's... perfect.

Now seasoned with 4 years of salt and pepper, I have my future before me. I am still waiting for that big change, that big revelation that I have been expecting. I am starting to think that the revelation won't come to me, I have to go to it. I have to mature in such a way that I will gain that revelation. I hope I do before... before I depart Madison.

It's hard to think that after I graduate, that is IT for my undergraduate slacking, chilling days. It is out of the pan and into the fire, fire being the real world. I hope it doesn't hurt.
I am close to the end of my education. Somehow it seems like when you are still schooling, you can be immature (to some extent). But now... it's adulthood, and all the responsibilities and obligations that are tacked along with it. I am truly creating my own life... right from the bottom of the corporate ladder.

Graduate school is different, it is really working and doing what you gotta do... so it is different from what life is now, from what life was before.

I think I need to reconcile this before I graduate; there are different stages in life, and they come and go. Sometimes you just need to look at them and realize, it's time to move on.

I wish to spend my last month of (official) schooling happy, carefree and energetic... like I was a freshman.

P.S. time to stop worrying and fussing about people.

<3 Seasoned Senior

Inspiration*

* I just wanted to take a bit of time out of my day... and blog this as a reminder to myself.

*:: You are always so caught up with the tiny things, like oh man, this girl might not be as close as you think. You keep thinking about this, wasting days on end just fussing and worrying due to your insecurities. The truth is, if they don't care about you at this point, you can't force it no more. It's done, it's set. Just be friends, take what comes. As been mentioned in the past, CHILL THE FUCK OUT.

Yesterday I was looking up on facebook this guy I use to like in elementary school. He was someone I really liked and let go of because of my stupidity and mind games. I was like 12 though. That kid was never really good at school, I was always the top student. He was quiet, I was loud and obnoxious. I was quite a popular kid in elementary school.

We went our separate ways... and I never heard from him again.

Well, we are facebook friends, and I am pretty sure since he is living the good life, he won't be crushing on me and thinking of me. In fact, we don't talk. I'd like to, because its been so long, and I want to know how he is doing. But... it won't happen, the gap between us is too great now.

I look him up, and I see him pursuing his dreams and putting himself out there. He has an album out, he plays music, he joined one of the idol shows... he is endorsing a clothing brand. I mean... it was just a slap to my face, as well as an inspiration. A wake up call, if you must.
People are out there, pursuing their dreams and living their lives, doing what they should.
I dream of living a good life, but I am sitting here, fussing over people who aren't worth it. Or who may not be part of my life in the future. WHY??

*I need to see the big picture*.

Seeing his pictures and just what he is doing, it inspired me to get off my ass and pursue what I want. Want a job in marketing? Stop going out and sit down and apply. Do what you have to. I keep thinking about other people, never really doing what I should. This will be my downfall if I refuse to change... So it has to stop. NOW. I need to learn to compartmentalize my feelings and just block out unnecessary things... I am strong enough to live by myself. So let's do it. And I hope I can get a job. And in a few years... someone will be looking at my pictures and feeling the same slap of inspiration.

*think of him, and let it inspire you to go forward.

Thanks, childhood crush =)

** I made it - Lil Wayne

Spring Break

Spring Break was good. Vegas, LA, and a drop by in Chicago.
Met interesting people... saw great sights... had crazy romp. haha. It was much needed though, to get away, get over, get some. hehe.

Last night, someone basically proposed to me. I gotta say, it was the weirdest. Someone loves me so much to never want to live without me in his life...
But I can't return the sentiment. That is sad...

But can you believe it? Someone proposed to me?-ish.

<3