Quarterlife

Hello,
when was my last post? It's been awhile. I'd almost forgotten about this blog... but I am back. I am tempted to create another blog, just a blog about this summer, perhaps finding my path.

I am lost.

I've been feeling rather negative, and that begets laziness. I'll tell ya, I have discovered many little traits about me, some that I finally managed to figure out, some that I had to face up to. So far, I haven't found many positive ones, but surely there are some positives about who I am?!

I am ambitious, determined, but I lack perseverance and endurance. Especially when I don't see the finish line.
I get discouraged, and can be negative.
I try to be optimistic, but sometimes I forget.
I lack faith.
I need to be more confident, but I am always afraid!
I am afraid to stand out there, out in the open. Unfortunately, that means I am swimming with the current, not against it.

These are a few...

Recently I made the mistake (?) of going on facebook and stalking people I haven't spoken to in forever. I see how they are living their lives. Granted, facebook can usually only give you a facade and a snippet of how people's lives usually are - and who would post emo shit on a social networking site? - but I took a look. I see people establishing things, initiatives, people who are pursuing passion, people who are happy and doing what they want. I see people surrounded by wonder and excitement, by their best friends and just, a lot of joy. And you take one look at my profile picture I put up in the winter where I am still wearing a scarf and cradling a cat, the lack of wallposts and activity... and the fact that I am unemployed, having been laid off by MANGO, a job which I did not enjoy one bit... What do I have to say for myself?

I think people call this the quarterlife crisis. It is whereby people of my age (early-mid twenties, after college) lose their way. They are stuck, they are floundering. Not everyone has it. Heck, some people have this one-track mind to a one-track goal since the age of 7. I ... don't. And I see everyone moving ahead and I am freaking the fuck out. What if I am a wasted investment of my parents? What do I have to show for myself after 23 years?

The positive thing to this mess is, while I get down and discouraged and wallow in my lack of life, I have the motivation and passion to get better. I keep making plans and ideas for myself to improve myself this summer. Hopefully I can keep to them. The brilliant thing is I am currently on a break (laid off and all), so I am going to try to figure out my life or at least broaden my perspective this summer, which really, is a blessing.

And by perspective, I also hope I can finally figure out my relationships. I do not know how to decide what is worth it. Or not.

Here's to trying.

Dragon Rawr

Hi Blog,

It's been awhile. It's rather hard to blog when China does not allow, and I have been too cheap to get VPN. Funny how I managed to live this long without all that I was used to. ha...

So, the love of my life. We made it past the one year mark of long distance, albeit rough, with many ups and downs. The two year mark of our relationship is coming up. This love is consuming, intoxicating, passionate. It's pretty damn great when we are together.. I am desperate to be with him again, to just be able to live and enjoy with him. When can I? I really hope we can be together, and things work out. Let life get on track(s) and for us to be together.

Besides that, I really would like more options for jobs.

Other than that, as long as family is healthy and happy and I have some people to hang out with and play with, I am happy. Content.

I'm Back :)