TAS

You walked out of my door.
And now,
Maybe.
Just Maybe,
I should start pulling the brakes on this one.

I didn't want to. I wanted to fall with everything I had. Just so for once in my life, I can really, truly be head over heels in love with someone, instead of reserving that 10+% of my heart for my own sake.

But I am starting to realize, I don't love myself enough. I don't care about myself enough. I am not secure enough with myself to really love someone else, without holding back. I can't get past that insecurity. Because of myself.

The only way I make it more bearable to be in a relationship is to like the person less. Because at least I know I haven't given my all. And therefore, I will be less hurt. I am at less risk. And I am not as anal and possessive, because I LIKE THE PERSON LESS than he likes me.

I think that maybe I should start on this one. I didn't want to. But I think, this might be the only solution, besides completely calling it quits. That might really, really hurt.

TAS, I will go to sleep now.
Tomorrow, it might be different between us. At least from my perspective.
And from then on,
That's it.

good night.