This place is seriously like my emotional dumpster. Thanks.

I feel like I might have lost who I am, a little. Between all that relationship stress and feeling embarrassed about not having a job while everyone works and moves on with their lives, I think I have lost a bit of that spark that possibly made me attractive to people who did end up falling for me.

I think I feel really insecure. And I am fearful of things, and it makes me more picky and controlling.

What.The.Fuck.

HOW do i set myself free and to just live and let live?

I feel like I am in some mental torture all day. You know that feeling where you are procrastinating and you have that nagging feeling at the back of your head because you have to do this thing where you are not? Yes. I have that feeling. Non stop. It's pretty fucking stressful. Draining.

Probably explains why I had a dream last night where I shat myself?! And I couldn't get rid of the poop, I didn't know where and how to. Which, according to dream decoding, means (summed up) that I am changing my old habits/thinking patterns, usually associated with strong emotions like anger/hatred. But the fact that I couldn't get rid of it, it means that I am not willing to let go, unable to let go.

I DONT KNOW HOW. I wish I could be a different person.