Hello blog,
It's been so long!
I wrote a reflection on a word document instead of here not too long ago because I was feeling sad and cluttered. China and all, hard to go on blogs ya know? Now I am in Malaysia for CNY again, I am back for an entry, for an update. I definitely reflect best alone, listening to music, when its getting dark or late at night. So many thoughts... Maybe that's why I don't sleep well. Haha.
I don't think I have been truly happy for awhile now I realized.
I don't really know how to make myself feel okay and happy again. I feel mentally anguished and stressed a lot. And I don't even have a job. Which incidentally is one of my biggest shame and stresses. I want to live. To really live, and to feel okay. I just want to feel at peace and okay.
I keep having a thought and its that... I feel like it is hard to live... I feel a bit tired just living. Kinda weird I know. It sounds like I need to see a psychiatrist. I feel like I'm in a dark and lost place, and I keep trying to come back out and find some light. When my mind is occupied I am thankful so I don't have to think extra thoughts. Stressful thoughts. When I find something funny, I love it, I wish I could keep that feeling and keep laughing.
I wish my mind could be free.
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