Happy Chinese New Year.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Hmm... I am feeling very strange. Not in the best way... Feels a bit like fear and insecurity. Fear of commitment or getting too close, or possibly having made a mistake. Insecurity, feeling unsettled because of ignorance as to what the issue really is, and unsettled because something feels out of control and I feel the need to set time aside to worry and bite my nails.
I am not sure what it is.
But I think as I am starting to understand myself, that I am very afraid of getting too close to someone (as a guy)... As a friend, I am very afraid of exposing too much of myself too soon. Somehow over the years I have managed to condition myself to reveal as little as possible about my life.
Anyway, Chinese New Year. It is almost like another opportunity for a clean slate, just because I am Chinese. Which I like and appreciate. But ... how clean of a slate can I get?
I'm feeling quite bogged down by thoughts that aren't quite surfacing right now!!
point is. Year of the Tiger... Welcome! I hope this year will be a great one. Afterall, 2010... it looks awesome as a number.
I really need to list some of my goals and aspirations... even though I haven't really figured them out yet. haha.
...Why do I keep wondering what other people are doing, and if they are alone or not? I have issues.
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