I have learned that when one feels unsettled with people and upset/insecure...
one should-
CHILL THE FUCK OUT.
Suddenly the world will seem like an easier place to live in.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Musings
- Why do we like some things, yet not others?
- Why are we drawn to some people, yet not to some others?
- Why do we click so well with some people, and not at all, no matter how hard we try, with others?
It's hard to be possessive.
It's hard to expect and not be disappointed.
What I want to do...
I want to lie down and let life live.
People come and go... who will stay? People say they are your good friends, but who really is? What defines friendship? What are the rules of friendship? Do you NEED a type of friend? (e.g. someone who can shower you with gifts when it's your birthday...) it sounds superficial, but somehow I find that that shows some sort of love, when someone cares about you enough to give you something great.
I don't know... and I keep feeling like there is something wrong with me and my outlook on life and the world.
It's tiring and it makes me unhappy.
I am drained by all these things all the time. I am insecure about people all the time.
I want to change... I want something to be different...
gonna shower.
- Why are we drawn to some people, yet not to some others?
- Why do we click so well with some people, and not at all, no matter how hard we try, with others?
It's hard to be possessive.
It's hard to expect and not be disappointed.
What I want to do...
I want to lie down and let life live.
People come and go... who will stay? People say they are your good friends, but who really is? What defines friendship? What are the rules of friendship? Do you NEED a type of friend? (e.g. someone who can shower you with gifts when it's your birthday...) it sounds superficial, but somehow I find that that shows some sort of love, when someone cares about you enough to give you something great.
I don't know... and I keep feeling like there is something wrong with me and my outlook on life and the world.
It's tiring and it makes me unhappy.
I am drained by all these things all the time. I am insecure about people all the time.
I want to change... I want something to be different...
gonna shower.
Monday, November 30, 2009
The Empire State: New York, New York
So,
Thanksgiving was a lot better this year. Definitely one of the best. Then again I've only had four... and the first two were disastrous. This NY trip definitely redeemed the first NY trip... I think company matters. Always. I mean... the first disastrous trip to NYC 2 years ago made me think NYC was just.. not so great. But now, I think I like New York more than Chicago. Something about the lights... they do inspire. They make you feel alive.
I had fun. I walked till my legs were sore. I think it was fitting with Thanksgiving overall; I was thankful this Thanksgiving for my legs. Just having limbs.. being able to travel... having the money to do so... it's really a blessing. So... here is my silent appreciation. No one will find it, but at least I know. I am terrible at expressing myself in front of people. It's just too vulnerable and cheesy, even.
I am thankful for good friends. I spent my break with people I can count on. It's a blessing. Truly.
Exhausted now, and looking forward to December.
Face forward, and chin up, I shall continue to surf on this giant wave called life. Will probably fall off my board once in a while like I have done so in the past, but hey, the ride on the big wave is worth the trouble right? At least that is the way it goes.
27 more days till I hit 21. I need to think of more dreams and aspirations.... 21 is big to me; it signifies the official start of aging. The realistic passage of time... and so before I hit that, I need to think of things and places and all my dreams and pursuits... all my goals. For me. For life. For people. And strive to achieve =)
What is life without aspiration?
To do list coming up...
I need to let the sour past go. All the worries and tires, let live, let go.
Anyhow. I just wanted to say, Happy Belated Thanksgiving. Look inside and you will find that in some way or another, you are blessed. Somehow.
<3
Thanksgiving was a lot better this year. Definitely one of the best. Then again I've only had four... and the first two were disastrous. This NY trip definitely redeemed the first NY trip... I think company matters. Always. I mean... the first disastrous trip to NYC 2 years ago made me think NYC was just.. not so great. But now, I think I like New York more than Chicago. Something about the lights... they do inspire. They make you feel alive.
I had fun. I walked till my legs were sore. I think it was fitting with Thanksgiving overall; I was thankful this Thanksgiving for my legs. Just having limbs.. being able to travel... having the money to do so... it's really a blessing. So... here is my silent appreciation. No one will find it, but at least I know. I am terrible at expressing myself in front of people. It's just too vulnerable and cheesy, even.
I am thankful for good friends. I spent my break with people I can count on. It's a blessing. Truly.
Exhausted now, and looking forward to December.
Face forward, and chin up, I shall continue to surf on this giant wave called life. Will probably fall off my board once in a while like I have done so in the past, but hey, the ride on the big wave is worth the trouble right? At least that is the way it goes.
27 more days till I hit 21. I need to think of more dreams and aspirations.... 21 is big to me; it signifies the official start of aging. The realistic passage of time... and so before I hit that, I need to think of things and places and all my dreams and pursuits... all my goals. For me. For life. For people. And strive to achieve =)
What is life without aspiration?
To do list coming up...
I need to let the sour past go. All the worries and tires, let live, let go.
Anyhow. I just wanted to say, Happy Belated Thanksgiving. Look inside and you will find that in some way or another, you are blessed. Somehow.
<3
Monday, November 16, 2009
Beauty Be Damned
Leonid Meteor shower, 2am - 5am
I am excited, but I am anxious.
What do you do in the face of beauty?
I feel like it is hard to look at a fleeting moment's beauty.
I can't capture it.
I can't fully remember it.
Cameras don't do the beauty justice. At all.
What do you do in the face of remarkableness?
How can we capture it in a way which is worthy?
How can we do it justice?
How can we keep the moment so that its short moment was worth it?
How can we remember it?
I can't.
I don't.
Sometimes I rather not see it; it makes it that much easier to live with not having the trouble and stress of capturing and remembering the magnificence of it all.
Yet I can't live without the beauty.
Damned if you do, Damned if you don't.
I am excited, but I am anxious.
What do you do in the face of beauty?
I feel like it is hard to look at a fleeting moment's beauty.
I can't capture it.
I can't fully remember it.
Cameras don't do the beauty justice. At all.
What do you do in the face of remarkableness?
How can we capture it in a way which is worthy?
How can we do it justice?
How can we keep the moment so that its short moment was worth it?
How can we remember it?
I can't.
I don't.
Sometimes I rather not see it; it makes it that much easier to live with not having the trouble and stress of capturing and remembering the magnificence of it all.
Yet I can't live without the beauty.
Damned if you do, Damned if you don't.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
有-没有？
有时不珍惜
没有时想要
得不到时我们就很尽心去夺
得到时我们又开始嫌要新鲜
对面的总比眼前的好
如何才能控制个人心？
虽说知道不应该
我又开始好奇了
我很想知道他心
对我是否有意思
是喜欢，是无聊， 还是好胜？
啊。。。 要适可而止阿。
明知故犯 的家伙
当得了好朋友就算了吧
晚安
没有时想要
得不到时我们就很尽心去夺
得到时我们又开始嫌要新鲜
对面的总比眼前的好
如何才能控制个人心？
虽说知道不应该
我又开始好奇了
我很想知道他心
对我是否有意思
是喜欢，是无聊， 还是好胜？
啊。。。 要适可而止阿。
明知故犯 的家伙
当得了好朋友就算了吧
晚安
Back To Roots
It has been 2 months now since I last typed my last journal entry.
It's amazing how things change in such a short time... is this teenage years? College years? I'll tell you something, I cherish these days now.
After working, I decided life is so... monotonous when you work. I wonder, how will you have friends when you work? How will you find time to walk around and exercise? If I move to a new place where I don't really know anyone, how will I ever find friends? How do I make friends then?
I don't want to work. I like college life. I love the freedom. I love just dealing with homework. Papers. Exams. Getting long holidays. Scheduling your classes and having free time sometimes, up to your eyeballs with tasks the next.
It's senior year... I am just learning to embrace how wonderful it all is. Better late than never, I say. Where do I go from here?
I wish, I hope this year is a great one. Where I learn a lot about what I want and WHO I AM. It's funny we spend decades in our bodies and minds but we don't actually know who we are and we spend our lives searching and wondering and trying to accept. It's weird. It's like.. separate entities in one being.
Life keeps throwing curveballs.
The older you get, the more worries you have.
The older you get, the less real people get.
The older you get, the less you can show about yourself.
The older you get, the more diplomatic you have to learn to be. '
How much do we do out of obligation and necessity, and how much do we do just. because. we. WANT. TO?! When can we ever after we stop being kids?
It's amazing how things change in such a short time... is this teenage years? College years? I'll tell you something, I cherish these days now.
After working, I decided life is so... monotonous when you work. I wonder, how will you have friends when you work? How will you find time to walk around and exercise? If I move to a new place where I don't really know anyone, how will I ever find friends? How do I make friends then?
I don't want to work. I like college life. I love the freedom. I love just dealing with homework. Papers. Exams. Getting long holidays. Scheduling your classes and having free time sometimes, up to your eyeballs with tasks the next.
It's senior year... I am just learning to embrace how wonderful it all is. Better late than never, I say. Where do I go from here?
I wish, I hope this year is a great one. Where I learn a lot about what I want and WHO I AM. It's funny we spend decades in our bodies and minds but we don't actually know who we are and we spend our lives searching and wondering and trying to accept. It's weird. It's like.. separate entities in one being.
Life keeps throwing curveballs.
The older you get, the more worries you have.
The older you get, the less real people get.
The older you get, the less you can show about yourself.
The older you get, the more diplomatic you have to learn to be. '
How much do we do out of obligation and necessity, and how much do we do just. because. we. WANT. TO?! When can we ever after we stop being kids?
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